Deception's Messenger

Tonight, while celebrating birth
a battle occured, small,
as I became alert.
Whether or not this is in mind...
this happening occurs
all too often in my life.
It started like this,
a friendly kiss, by word and time
I spoke with my brother
with a drink and dime.
A bar far away
I admit my sin
I drank too much to write this again.
As time had progressed and
the alcohol pressed
he brought up another brother,
my roommate who I let slip
from my mouth as we spoke of us
even after telling myself that
gossip is slanderous.
Alcohol is poison,
it's the fool's drink.
Whoever drinks of it
will definitely sink.
He told me, so deceitfully,
for this was his prose,
"I was told you were designing
a tattoo for our friend of old."
I knew his statement and
told him this,
"No,
it's a work in
progress."
He nodded his head
and turned to his purpose
saying, "He told me of another
on his chest,
I heard this."
I must say, my dear reader,
I must confess,
that I have resentment towards
this brother,
nonetheless
I know his motives, I know his tongue
I'm confident in this;
he's a liar against Above.
Both have betrayed my trust, you see.
Forgiveness in this tale is key for me.
But how, my reader, can I pursue
such a task, though Christ is for both me and you?
Alas!
"Love your enemies..."
Of course! I know!
But, what do I do when
I really don't know?
I hear this and that
and their words seem false...
but I'm not to judge,
I'm not to accuse,
no, I'm nothing at all!
How do I defend myself
especially when I've sinned?
With drink in hand
I'm spinning again.
You see, I want what's good,
but cannot seem to shake
the sin within me
that kills and breaks!
Ah yes, I must add this note,
this gossiper I speak of
Is not a brother at all,
no he doesn't believe in hope.
He is an enemy
once a friend,
we called ourselves "brothers"
and so,
If you read this gossip,
forgive my angst
I'm a sinner for sure,
but you want to see me betrayed!
You delight in my misery,
you delight in my fall,
you delight in the world
and I'm giving myself over
to God...everything! All!
And true brethren, if you read this
too,
forgive me for being so bitter,
so angry,
so hateful to you.
And God, look over what I've done,
I'm nothing,
I'm someone,
I know I'm no fun.
Though I say he's a gossip n' such
What am I speaking
who am I,
with this blog?
Is it for us?
Continuing on from his words as this,
"...he said he wanted a dove on his chest,
with an olive branch."
"Peace", if you didn't get the hint.
"He couldn't help but laugh
when he told my of his plan,
for it's just a phase,
a time, untrue in his hands."
His implication was clear
though he left the truth unknown,
my roommate was never a Christian
just an actor posing as one, so...
am I that ignorant?
Am I that naive?
To not know that this boy
was deceiving me?
Either way, it doesn't matter
I'm called to love
no matter the latter.
But I can't help but feel like a fool,
angry, resentful,
Oh gossiper you've got me good!
Did you want me to feel
not what I should?
Did you want me to fail?
Did you want this written?
Did you want me to spit
curse and be ridden?
So, dear reader I turn to you,
what do you do when you're a fool?
When gossips slander
and deceivers deceive?
When people hate you
for what you believe.
Maybe, just maybe,
this is what we get
for being so strict
with our faith, yet...
How does this hit you?
How do you hear?
Am I just for what I've said
to your ears?
With my faith so weak
and my sins so strong,
how will you judge me
with this long
long
song?