Thursday, April 8, 2010

"Jesus Is My Boss" Pt. 1

The hesitancy I have in writing the event that occurred to me last Sunday, the fourth, is the implication of Pride. Am I boasting about myself? I've told this story three times to four people and each time the thought that goes through my head is, "Should I really tell them this story or should I just keep my mouth shut and keep this between God and I?" The reason? Well, it made me feel pretty cool and every time I tell it, I secretly want recognition of this coolness.

I start by saying, "So I broke up a fight on Sunday after church" and then, when their interest is peaked, I say something like... " was weird. Um, it's a definite testament to God's protection and presence. Like...I put myself in a situation that I probably shouldn't have, but God was there for the whole thing." I mention God only to justify the fact that I may be boasting, which is grossly inappropriate. The truth is, I want someone to notice my heroism and praise me for it, not God. Don't get me wrong, God was unquestionably there and the decision to breakup the fight didn't come without prayer. I wouldn't have done it had I not felt God moving me to intervene, but the telling, the testimony, the witnessing of God's justice is not humble. It's for my glory, not His.

So you see my struggle? The event was significant for me. It was significant for my relationship with God. It was significant for those involved with the event itself (I pray). But what's the point in telling about it when the person telling it doesn't tell it with pure motives and--aware of this possibility--questions his motives when he tells it? If God cannot be recognized as God, Lord, King, Savior, Avenger, Christ, Hero, or Protagonist, then the story teller has done something wrong. The story has failed and the witness has witnessed in vain. Justice has not been served, but stolen for emptiness.

Monday, January 4, 2010

The Fire Burns

Anger likes to hang out with me. I'm angry with it.
And how I listen!
Recurring themes that spring inconspicuously.
and oh, the list goes on!
Which one shall I tackle today?
Which one shall I stumble on again?
Which one is more important?
Out of all of these, I pray,
to where shall my heart go?
Which one?
Overwhelmed by the challenges
that face me
I ignore them and pity myself.
"If I say this then...
or if I do this then..."
I'm a contradicting contradiction.
...and I'm tired of it.
All the time, I whine
of my whining
and write of it in my
alliterated rhyme.
For an answer?
A solution?
A pass?
When will this end?
Two years and I've yet to see it end...
I'm done with this again.